I reckon a person without a hobby would have to be unhappy and boring. We must have them, if for no other reason than to fool ourselves into thinking we have freedom in our lives. That is kind of laughable if you stop and consider how long we spend in our cars and at work. If you consider the bills you pay and the debt you owe, we are serfs.
At any rate, I’ve ruined just about every hobby. I don’t have a particular hobby, other than reading, that I go to time after time. So if I don’t find a new hobby, and soon, I tend to get lazy and miserable. It’s about this time something will come to mind and I throw myself into it. I enjoy it because it keeps my mind occupied and allows me to pour my mental and physical energy into it. Believe me, being trapped in my mind is not a good place to be.
So I took up boxing, grad school, writing, and just about everything else in between. I thought seriously of making my own wine. You might say, wow, that AH sure is an energetic guy. Quite the contrary; I’m actually lazy and aloof sometimes.
Here’s the problem, though. These hobbies of mine always turn into obsessions. They no longer serve as a healthy outlet; I turn them into a burden almost. Every day I think about my new hobby, read about it, practice it or do it – whatever it is. In the end, it tires me and stresses me out. After a while, the thought of it turns my stomach. This usually takes about a year. Then I’ll go through withdraws until I find a new obsession. (I once mentioned how I obsessed over the grass in my yard. I rented a tiller, tore up my yard, bought seed, fed and watered it, and inspected it almost every day. I even had dreams about it. Once it started growing, I never thought another second about it. I probably will never think about grass again).
This obviously aggravates my wife. She’s learned though that this is how I am. She thinks it’s funny and annoying. She doesn’t understand why I can’t just sit still and be content. I don’t understand why I can’t either. The best way I can explain it is that I need a purpose, a task, a project nearly every day of my life.
It’s exhausting though. I constantly feel as if I’m wasting time, or wasting an opportunity if I’m not occupied with something. Sadly, with all these obsessions that is exactly what I end up doing.
I’m always preoccupied with being preoccupied.